I hope you lovely people wont mind, as I just feel that I want to write this and share..

I am sadly watching my dad, fade, to pass over in the next few days, maybe weeks from a terminal untreatable aggressive lung cancer. Hes been bedbound this week, which is new as he has upto now been able to get up, if even for a short time. What this time has given the both of us is time together, a very healing, special time, that I feel fortunate to have had with him.  

In the last week, in fact after, our circle on Wednesday I was visited by my two grandfathers, one of which is his father. Clear as day, they came in and woke me up.  I asked why they had come and they said we will be the two that will come to help dad pass to our side.  I asked where are my grandmothers, and they said that they are here, but we will the ones in the front.  I was really comforted by this, even though obviously I already knew there would be loved ones helping, it was lovely to see and hear them both.

Now, my dad does not have my beliefs, or understandings, in fact he has ridiculed me in front of others in the past.  I feel sad that I cant tell him, his father(who was a vicar ) is there, and everything will be ok.

However, yesterday, he was very weak, and I had asked him if he was in any pain etc, and then I said Dad, is there any thing that worries you? Hoping at some point not to convert him to my belief, but understand his.  And his response was, which saddens me, was, "yes, my funeral".  I asked why?   "because I have requested to have my funeral in the local church as that is my hometown, and I love this town, but my dad (who was a vicar), told me that no one gets into heaven if they dont believe in God, or go to church every week."  " I am worried that if there is a heaven I wont be allowed into it, and I cant believe in a god that would do this to people."

Isnt that unfair that my dad on his deathbed is worrying about this deep seated belief or any other out there is brought up to believe this?   

I had a chat with him and what I did is arrange, and he liked the thought of, was for our lovely funeral director to go and have a chat with him, which he has done today. I did explain this to the funeral director and he said that is correct, they wont allow him to have his funeral in the church if he doesnt believe in God.  The christian God, etc. 

I really hope this changes, I listened to julian saying about it recently, but this is my first real encounter...shame I cant tell my dad, that his dad, is the one thats coming to help him pass over. ?

Thank you for listening , or reading ?

Blessings all 

Carly x